Quantified Self: Lessons in Self-Deception

2017 marked the beginning of my journey with the ideas of quantified self. I went all out trying to figure the ways I could quantify my life. Though I learned many things about the details of the way I spend my time and energy (much of which can be found here), the most important lesson I absorbed was that of self-deception.

Every morning and evening I would record various aspects of my day. I forced myself daily to think about my goals, habits (good and bad), and progress towards improving myself. There were times when it was so tempting to fudge a number or use some selective memory when recounting my day. Nobody would ever know. Even I would likely forget that I hadn’t reported my day accurately. This is, of course, directly in opposition to the whole concept of quantified self which seeks to obtain truth about ourselves through quantifiable measures. Garbage data going in, garbage insights coming out.

I strikes me how even in the context of a project that explicitly seeks accurate information, I was tempted to lie to myself. Unfortunately, I imagine this to be a common (if not universal) feature of the human condition. It seems that most of us probably spend our days lying to ourselves. Sometimes this can be a useful fiction to motivate us to take the next step or push forward through hard times. But I fear that more often than not it is just another example of the way we hide our face from the realities of our lives and the world around us. Its easier to repeat a comfortable lie to ourselves over and over again than to face the truth of who we are. If we can't work up the will to commit to the truth in conversations with ourselves, what makes us think that we will be able to speak truth to friends, loved ones, or the destructive powers of the world?

I am hopeful that this small exercise in daily honesty with myself may have larger implications to the way I interact with those around me. Hopefully, much like a muscle, I will continue to build the strength and resilience to live my life immersed in the expressions of truth.

"Such as are thy habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of thy mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts. Dye it then with a continuous series of such thoughts as these: for instance, that where a man can live, there he can also live well."

-Marcus Aurelius

Experiments in Conversation: Sam, Ben, & Eric

[CONTEXT: Last night I had the privilege of attending a Sam Harris live podcast in San Francisco. He brought on Ben Shapiro and Eric Weinstein for a stimulating conversation. As might be expected, the topic of religion was much debated between Sam and Ben. This is my attempt to dissect some of that discussion.]

When listening to conversations such as these, I try to look at it through a certain lens. That lens is this: how to best restate a viewpoint to enable the interlocutors to converge on a point of agreement. At my peril, I will attempt to do this by clarifying Sam’s viewpoint to Ben.

Ben’s primary disagreement with Sam comes down to the is-ought problem (certainly something Sam has thought long and hard about). Sam attempted several times to relay his “navigation problem” view to Ben with little success. I think what Sam failed to state here (but I seem to recall him clarifying elsewhere) is that there is, at the root of his navigation problem view, a single “ought” that cannot necessarily be reconciled with an “is.” In my own words, that we ought to seek to build a global society which promotes the well-being of conscious creatures rather than steer towards a collective Hell of unending suffering for all beings.

I think there is no escaping the fact that there is an is-ought gap here that cannot be reconciled; however, that single gap allows us to place everything else worth caring about squarely in the “is” category. To put words in Sam’s mouth, “if we can’t agree upon this one ought, then what the hell are we even talking about here?” Intuitively, it seems to be a universally acceptable statement. Further, I would argue that Sam’s distinction between pure conscious bliss for all beings versus abject misery for all beings is essentially a rationalists/materialist definition of Good and Evil. Ultimately a subjective statement (one that can’t bridge the is-ought gap) but a statement that is as deeply rooted in science and reason as possible.

Here’s where I think Sam and Ben largely agree. They both broadly define Good and Evil in the same way. Their disagreement is both semantic and in regards to the source of that Good and Evil. Ben is never going to back pedal from his view that God started this whole moral process rolling. And Sam will never concede that starting the process with revelation is a good thing. This can make for tedious conversation.

In general, I think their conversations could be much more fruitful were the focus on the vectors, not the data points. Their agreement on principles runs very deep. This is more than enough to discuss interesting solutions to problems rather than nuances of epistemology. Additionally, I think Eric’s concept of Truth, Fitness, Meaning, and Grace could serve a useful vectors for such a dialog. My hope is to hear Sam and Ben speak again with a focus more on the trajectory of where we are going rather than getting bogged down in the details of where we have been. 

America's Five Stages of Grief

Here we are. Almost one year into our collective state of confusion with the one and only Donald J. Trump at the helm of the American government. If nothing else, it has been an interesting year. It has also been a period of considerable disorientation and lack of understanding (or communication) on both ends of the spectrum. For all you never-Trumpers out there who have had some trouble processing these trying times, allow me to dissect our collective emotional state. Here the Kübler-Ross model (better know as the five stages of grief) will come in handy. Let’s begin...

Denial

Here is where our whole debacle begins. Very early. In a state of incredulity. During the entire lead up to the election we swam in a state of denial. Even as the first polls closed, the national consensus (at least in the popular media) seemed to be, “There is just no way this man is going to be elected. No way so much of this country could be swayed in his direction”...surprise! It happened. Now for some good ole fashioned...

Anger

Grab you torches and pitchforks! Time to get out in the street. March. Riot. Scream. Get on the Twitter. Get the word out. What better way to change people’s minds than lobbing insults into the infinite void of the Internet. Better whip out the big guns...racists, misogynists, bigots, white-supremacists, fascists, nationalists, xenophobes...Put simply, “Trump is the next Hitler and ya’ll a bunch of Nazis for putting him in office!!!” It’s time to get your aggression out and find someone to blame. If you aren’t visibly enraged by the sight of a Make America Great Again hat, than you are part of the problem. But there must be something we can do. Some way to make this waking nightmare come to an end...

Bargaining

One word. Impeachment. This is the key! We can make this all stop. We just need to find the smoking gun. Russia must be the missing piece of the puzzle. Back room deals, organized hacking, collusion, we know the evidence is there, we just need to find it. We don’t even care if Russia meddled in our elections if there isn’t a direct tie to Trump. We don’t want the truth, we want justice! Hmmm, this doesn’t seem to be panning out. Surely he can be impeached just for being an asshole. Just for being Trump. That will work right? Won’t it? Just...please...dear God, bring this to an end...

Depression 

Now we arrive at the current phase of our predicament. Here we sit. Resigned. Tired. Seemingly left with no more options. What is a good never-Trumper supposed to do in such trying times? It all seems so hopeless. So pointless. Our voices are horse and we are fresh out of idea for correcting course. Guess we should all just give up and recede into our nice, warm, safe bubbles.

Acceptance

We will get there soon enough. It is inevitable. We will all have to wake up to the cold, hard, sober facts and face our fate. Maybe, just maybe, we will all learn a thing or two in the process. Maybe we will see the faults in ourselves and not only those in others. Maybe we will be begin to understand that if we listened a bit more in the first place, opened our minds, and (dare I say it) our hearts...we could have avoided this whole mess in the first place.